So, I decided to empty my phone of pictures and just see what was in there. Why? PROCRASTINATION, BABY. Why else? It turned out I had about a year’s worth of pictures in there, so here’s my 2011 and a bit of 2012.
I also wrote a really boring blog post, apparently.
I found this meme on Tumblr a few days ago. Can’t be bothered with a full month of blogging this though. Lots of words ahead!
Day 1: What was your first finished project?
My first project full stop was a Harry Potter scarf. I got bored after a foot or so and abandoned it heartlessly for… uh. I don’t even remember. A baby hat, maybe? Booties? Something baby-ish.
Day 2: What is currently on your needles?
A doll and a pair of socks. I can’t wait until I fucking finish them and can move on to knitting these.
Day 3: Do you have any other WIPs (works in progress)?
See above.
Day 4: How did you learn how to knit?
A friend who thought I’d like it sent me some yarn and a pair of awesome pink vintage needles. That I recently gave to my sister so she could learn how to knit. She handed the project to our mum and made her do it. SADFACE.
Day 5: How long did it take from the time your learned how to knit, to finish your first project?
Not sure. Even as a baby knitter I was a perfectionist with a ridiculously short attention span, so the scarves I started were abandoned, whatever I did after that was ripped out several times and it probably took forever.
Day 6: What is your favorite piece that you’ve knit?
My first lace shawl was special. It’s not very advanced, it’s not the best thing I’ve ever knitted, but I love it anyway. (That’s Kiri, btw.)
Day 7: Your least favorite?
Scarves. I fucking hate knitting scarves. They’re boring as hell, they go on forever and I can’t stress how much I hate them. I knitted this one for my sister last year. It took about two months and oh God I resented it towards the end, mostly because she kept saying “make it longer!”. And when you look at the length of it, keep in mind she’s about 5’10 tall.
Day 8: What’s your most challenging project?
You know, I think I need to do more challenging stuff. I hate doing simple rib and stockinette, so it’s not that I do easy or samey things, but generally I don’t find cables or lace or shaping or any of those things all that difficult. I am not very good at colour work though. The only way I can get the tension decently even is by keeping one colour in each hand, and knitting English style is really hard! But I can do it if I set my mind to it. See the William mittens I’m doing next!
Day 9: What fiber or yarn do you love working with?
I once knitted a hat, scarf, mitten combo out of Malabrigo. It was like a dream come true. Manos Silk Blend is also amazing. Generally I like wool blends the best.
Day 10: Do you have a favorite pattern or designer?
Not really. I love Cookie A‘s socks. Spilly Jane‘s colour work fascinates me. My knitting idol, however, is the obvious one: the Yarn Harlot. She’s not so much a designer as an inspiration, though.
Day 11: Do you have a “Knitter Hero” or someone that is just way too awesome for their own good? Do share!
See above!
Day 12: Where do you keep your stash?
In five meticulously sorted tubs in my book case. Sock/lace, cotton/linen/acrylic, wool, fancy yarns, WIPs.
Day 13: Do you have yarn that you love but can’t find a project for?
I have some gorgeous handspun angora that I don’t dare to touch. It’s very nice to pet, though.
Day 14: What’s the worst yarn/fiber that you’ve worked with and why?
Red Heart acrylic, every novice knitters staple. And I absolutely hate mohair; the halo piss me off. And 100% cotton is like knitting with syrup. Ouchy fingers.
Day 15: What was your least favorite pattern and why?
None, really, though you sometimes get really annoyed with half arsed Ravelry patterns that hasn’t been properly proofed. At least if you pay money for them.
Day 16: Have you ever had a knitting related injury?
I have a mild case of carpal tunnel that I developed thanks to overzealous knitting. It’s only aggravated when I knit and type without a break for days, though, so I really can’t complain.
Day 17: Have you ever had a project that you loved become ruined? What’s the story behind it?
No, but once my brother had a party and somehow a basket with a lovely cardigan I was knitting disappeared. I don’t know who would steal a WIP, so I assume it was taken by mistake and then tossed in a dumpster somewhere. Which hurts my soul.
Day 18: Do you knit English or Continental?
Continental! Or combined. It depends. Just like I learned in primary school.
Day 19: Do you watch movies and/or listen to podcasts while knitting? What are your favorite things to knit to?
I always watch TV. Often football games. I sometimes listen to the Cast On podcast, which is so very inspiring, and I love that.
Day 20: Do you knit in public? Was anyone offended/incredibly happy/curious that you were doing so?
Always! I can’t stand in line without having something in my hands. Mostly people tell me their grandmother knitted, or that my sock yarn is too thin or that they can’t understand magic loop. I don’t get why anyone would be offended, though.
Day 21: Do you knit gifts for friends and family for the holidays or birthdays?
Not as much as I used to. I don’t have the time or sanity points for it. The doll pictured above is a Christmas present though! (Don’t point out that it’s January 5th as we speak.)
Day 22: Have you ever stricken someone off your to-knit-for list because they didn’t appreciate/take care of your last knitted gift to them?
No, but on the occasions I do knit for non-knitters it’s easy type things, because only a knitter will appreciate intricate knitting.
Day 23: If you had the supplies (and patience) for it, what project would you start today?
I’m dreaming of starting the hippo mittens!
Day 24: Have you ever made your own pattern or dyed your own yarn? How did it turn out?
Yes! Corrina and I dyed the yarn for the socks together. With Kool Aid. The others are patterns I’ve made. Kind of simple stuff, really. And bags!
Day 25: Do you have a knitting book or a place where you keep patterns, ideas, size measurements? Post a picture of it!
No. I use up all my organisation skills with my yarn.
Day 26: Have you ever been a part, or wanted to be a part of a knit-a-long? What was it? If not, why?
I did the Knitting Olympics one year, does that count? I think it was 2006. Or 2007.
Day 27: How do you acquire most of yarn? Online retailers, local yarn shops, swaps, or large chain craft stores? What’s your favorite?
Mostly when I visit bigger cities with my exciting yarn shops. Or the one in town which makes me want to scream as soon as I get into it. It’s half yarn, half cross stitch, half the yarn bit is all acrylic, their sock yarn is almost entirely self striping and I once watched the owner spend twenty minutes helping a customer to find a yarn with an exact gauge measurement on the ball band, rather than advising her to go up or down a needle size. I really miss having a decent yarn shop nearby.
Day 28: Do you do any other crafts besides knitting? What are they, and did learning to knit come before or after learning these other crafts?
Sewing, sometimes. A bit of crocheting. Knitting came first, crocheting came only because I needed to edge something with some chain stitch, and the sewing because I got into cloth pads.
Day 29: Do you have any tips, or things that you’ve learned from knitting?
The monotone of knitting is really helpful when you’re dealing with social anxiety. Over all it’s like therapy. You know that I’m not feeling well when I don’t knit, so I try to do it as much as I can.
Day 30: What’s your name on Ravelry?
Procraftinator!
I set 2012′s reading goal to 40. Ten down from last year, eight up from what I actually managed this year. Might be more manageable. And here comes a list of books that I liked this year. Can’t really be bothered with proper reviews or reasoning why, but you know. It’ll have to do.
BOOKS I REALLY LIKED
1. Deadline by Mira Grant. (I love the Newsflesh series, although I was a bit “…” about the ending.)
2. The Shattering by Karen Healey. (Grief. Suicide. New Zealand culture. Very interesting.)
3. Red Glove by Holly Black. (Can’t get enough of Cassel.)
4. Living Dead Girl by Elizabeth Scott. (So many kinds of creepy. A bit floaty, which suited the picture of the traumatised, disassociated protaganist.)
5. The Shattered City by Tansy Rayner Roberts. (My love for Ashiol is endless.)
6. The Demon’s Surrender by Sarah Rees Brennan. (A gorgeous third book in a great series.)
7-10. The Hunger Games, Mockingjay, Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. (An excellent trilogy, although a bit heavy on the love triangle part.)
11. Sprawl, edited by Alisa Krasnostein. (Great combination of stories, very Australian, many kinds of awesome.)
BOOKS THAT WERE OTHERWISE IMPORTANT TO ME
1. Bellwether by Connie Willis. (Taught me that yes, I do enjoy Connie Willis, although not as much as some people seem to do. I certainly liked it more than I liked Blackout.)
2. Soulless by Gail Carriger. (Very gorgeously done, but I struggled a bit with following the story. Gets a mention because of the beautiful narration.)
3. Chicks Dig Timelords, edited by Lynne M. Thomas. (Yay Doctor Who!)
4. The Female Man by Joanna Russ. (I have no problems admitting I’m too dumb to understand the brilliance of this book. I’m still glad I read something of hers.)
5. Black Juice by Margo Lanagan. (Every time I read Singing My Sister Down I cry. I don’t expect that to change.)
That’s exactly half the books I read this year. I guess I know how to pick them. Or something.
A quick summary of the goals I had for these year and what I actually managed.
- Finish editing Eld and put it into the metaphoric drawer, send at least one story off, write half or so of a huge project I’ve had in my head for the last year and am itching to get back to.
Eld is still the story that won’t die. I seriously can’t let go of it, nor can I make it make sense. I did send a story off, did get it accepted (yay!) and wrote 30k on said project (at least I think that’s the one I’m talking about here, I can’t remember!), and realised that actually, it needs me to be a better writer first. It’s too complicated for my current skill level. Which is also an important lesson to learn.
- Send a query for an agent. (Note: Not to GET an agent, just to start trying. Because that’s the scariest part.)
Did not do.
- Get back in touch with at least one of my old friends.
I did do this! We’re texting and stuff right now, hoping for a second meeting soon.
- Read at least 50 books (I managed 43 this year).
I managed 31. Bit of a fail.
- Go back to the gym.
I didn’t. I started running instead, which I also love. A lot. I just can’t afford over 400 SEK a month to do my running and weights. So, outside it is.
- Get a second cat.
I was thiiiiis close to it. Literally. I had met him, named him, and decided a time to pick him up, when the family changed their mind. I haven’t tried again. Maybe this coming summer, I don’t know.
- Learn to bake gluten free bread and roll-out cookies from scratch.
Yeah. Did not happen, although I tried valiantly a few times before getting distracted by new shiny things.
- Start inching my way towards a very part time job. If I, come December, can manage to work four hours once a week, I will consider this a win.
I did it! I work 12-15 hours a week now, looking to up it to 18 in a month or two. Which, considering that I had FOUR HOURS A WEEK as a goal is a massive win for me.
And for next year I’m hoping for the following:
- Read 50 books (hey, a girl can hope).
- Work at least 25 hours a week, preferably at a real job where I earn real money.
- Get better eating habits. Nachos morning, noon and night is yummy, but it makes me feel like crap.
- Get my Couch to 5k on.
- Either finish or kill Eld.
- Definitely finish football novel. It’s so close.
- Agent hunt. Take two.
- Work on that social life thing.
And if I can keep up with social media and blogging, not live my life on the internet (I know, the two are not exactly compatible), cutting down on my meds even more, travel a bit, save some money for World Fantasy 2013 and keep up my Write Actual Paper Letters of Awesome, that’ll be nice too.
And now I shall do that elusive “cook stuff” thing people always talk about.
Christmas was weird this year. We celebrated it at our house, with our grandmother. Our aunt and her husband stopped by, but didn’t stay. Our grandfather was, for the very first time, not present. In fact, Christmas Eve last year was the last time I saw him properly. A week later he was dead. And sure, I saw him before that happened, those strange days before New Year’s Day, when he died, but he was in bed, unconscious, skin all papery and his hair so thin all of a sudden. You know, in that way you suddenly notice things you never quite saw before. That was one of them.
So, Christmas was the last time, as far as I’m concerned. So, it was strange. Pretty good, actually, but also strange. Wrong house, people missing, a lot more presents than there was actually supposed to be. I guess my grandmother went a little crazy. She gave more than we’d decided. But that’s okay, I guess. Whatever kept these last few weeks feeling vaguely normal to her.
My aunt + husband are taking her to Rome for New Year’s. I think that’s a good thing. Last year we spent it in a hospital room, and then going home without him, drinking coffee and eating the fudge I made him as a Christmas present.
Generally, I try to remember him the way he was. My grandmother does the exact opposite, concentrating on the man she was married to for so many years before he went nearly blind, nearly deaf and constantly anxious, in that way people with dementia often are. Sure, it’s sad to think about, but at the same time… It was his time. It feels awful to say, and it kind of is, but those last few years wasn’t very fun or stimulating to him. In some ways I’m glad it happened before he became so unwell that we had to put him in a nursing home. He was 91. It’s a long life. And wow, I was supposed to talk about Happy Things!
I was given a pyjamas in a size 44/46. Really. I don’t even know the last time I fit my butt into anything that size (a UK 16, I think, possibly 14). The rest was good, though. Tea, gift cards, a shirt, money. Whatever. They’re just things. But I love my family and I love that we can be together like this, and not fight. It’s, apparently, not something to take for granted, if I read Twitter and blogs and whatever right.
But it was good. A bit bitter sweet, but good. I’ve never been much of a Christmas person, and I spent a large part of December working more than I should have, but I survived. The 22nd of December I worked a full seven hours, helping my boss hanging up and taking down curtains in every room (class rooms, offices, cafeterias, whatever) of a huge school. Three floors, a lift that wasn’t working, which meant carrying a huge, very heavy rack of curtains (who knew they could be that heavy?) up all those stairs. And back down.
We were so tired, towards the end, that when we hit the teacher’s lounge, we snuck a cup of tea and a fruit, without even feeling bad about it. I didn’t, anyway. And then, when we carried everything out to the van to go home we were so stupidly tired that we just couldn’t stop giggling. Or I couldn’t, and it sent my boss into giggling too, and she told me we had to do this more often because she didn’t know the last time she laughed that much.
They do want to keep me past March. Oh the excitement! The only sucky thing is that they will never be able to hire me properly. I will have to keep getting my income supplemented by the governmental instances, something that I really want to get away from. But right now I work no more than 15 hours a week, so it’s not like I would make much more at a proper job. Will raise those hours soon, though.
I made my mum a bag from Marimekko fabric. It’s crazy expensive, 325 SEK per metre, but I got away with half of one, so it was all right. I’m very proud of that bag, actually, especially the zipper. I learned that rather quickly! And yeah, I couldn’t get the pleats to do what I wanted them to, but you know. She still loved it.
I spent Christmas Day writing, reading (must hit 30 books for the year, there’s no chance of 50) and knitting. And watching Christmas specials! Tomorrow we shall do siblingy shenanigans, and then we shall see.
And by the way, falling and scraping your knees and palms hurt a lot more when you’re 31 and weight 90 kilos, than it did when you were five. I’m clumsy when I’m stressed and tired. I haven’t gone a day without some sort of bruise or cut healing for months. That says a lot, I think.
And in a few days I will sum up the year… Very exciting stuff.
NaNoWriMo haven’t been this hard for years. Last year I finished on the 25th which was annoying, I’m sure. The year before I was done on the… 16th, I think? One of those early finishers that makes the rest of the NaNo-writers homicidal. This year? Oh God.
I started working a couple of months ago which I’m sure everyone and their fucking mother is aware of, seeing as I can’t stop talking about it. And 4-5 hours a day three days a week (started at 3 hours a day, twice a week, so yay me!) doesn’t sound like a lot. It’s just over 25% or a normal work week. But let me tell you, dragging words out of oneself after that isn’t easy, as I came to realise. Especially not when I had neglected to do so for long enough that I needed 2000 words a day to make it in time.
But I did it. And now all I want to do is stare at the wall until January or so.
It might be a good thing that I have to force myself off the couch three days a week and go and be vaguely competent. I am, apparently, to work Christmas craziness, and I was a very good girl and cancelled my New Year’s plans. It would’ve been okay, really, if it was one night and a party, but our tradition is to go to whatever cousin happens to live in the city, and do it there. Which, this time, means 3.5 hours on a train each way, a couple of nights in the city and honestly, I’ll be lucky if I can get through Christmas without falling over in a heap.
I have three cans of pumpkins (ten bucks each at the special English foods shop in the city), but I haven’t even been able to make something with them. Yet. I’m not much for pumpkin pie, and I had my fill on pumpkin soup, so I’m thinking cookies, scones and possibly muffins. Or bread, if I can get the flour ratio right.
Presents? Are you cah-rah-zy? I’ll do internet shopping. Some… other time.
I’m so tired right now that I’m pretty much just babbling. I have no idea whatsoever what I just wrote. I hope it’s good not too redundant. I’ve been wanting to go to bed since 5 pm, so bear with me.
Anyway.
Work exciting, body tired, brain… oh dear God.
Yeah, I quit my evening meds full stop this week. I’ve successfully cut down from 45 to 15 mg over the last two months, and now it was time for the last 15. I can’t sleep at night. Not sleeping makes my anxiety worse during the day. I get impatient. Cranky. Etc. I’m at the third night now, or possibly fourth, and I think exhaustion will kick the lack of chemical happy aka drowsy and passing out involuntarily out the window for me. But I thought so yesterday too and while I did sleep some… it wasn’t restful sleep.
I do want to quit this one, though. Being seven kinds of drugged up isn’t fun. I want to know what my lower limit is. So I’m going to wait it out for a bit, or at least until my next appointment. By then I should be able to tell what’s withdrawal, what’s lack of sleep and what’s actual anxiety, not related to anything but… well. Myself.
And don’t fear. I’m still on full dosage on the other two kinds. I might be insane, but I’m not stupid. More than I can possibly help, anyway.
This post is the awesomest ever, I’m sure. Sadly I do little but work, sleep and write, soooo this is all you’ve got. Oooh and today I got to play with a real serger! I’m in love. Even though it took me 45 minutes to thread it when a thread broke. I had to dig out a manual and clean the inside of fuzz and thread the stupid thing using TWEEZERS.
I still kind of want one…
1. Your Pepsi + chocolate consumption is doubled.
2. You start drinking coffee again, after nine months without a drop.
3. Your house has the new, hot design aka NaNoWriMo chic. It comes with dirty dishes piled to the ceiling, half drunk cups of tea and having to jump over piles of laundry to get to the bathroom.
4. You eat nachos and salsa for dinner four days in a row.
5. You start googling things such as “coughing up blood”, “how far is it to Savannah?”, “how to spell Roosevelt” (it’s not Rosevelt. Or Roosewelt. Or Rosevelt. NaNo brain, what are you doing to me?) and, my personal favourite, “does it hurt to die from carbon monoxide poisioning?”.
6. Your visits to How To Kill Your Imaginary Friends are tripled.
7. You say things like “now i’m trying to figure out where to go from ‘oops i killed the wrong person in my novel’.”
8. Getting the answer ‘how do you feel about re-animation?’ seems like a completely reasonable question.
I could keep going, but I feel like I’ve showed you enough of my crazy already. Oh and PS: 3000 WORDS BEHIND. THROW ROCKS AT ME UNTIL I START WRITING.
It’s going sooooo slow. I feel sooooo crapppy. Tomorrow I’m going to buy amazing vegetarian sushi to cheer myself up.
PS. To be in sync for today I should’ve been at 28339 words.
LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT NANOWRIMO. Seriously. I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m tired of hearing myself whine about it, so instead there will be shiny pictures of shiny things I’ve knitted in which I point out all the flaws you probably didn’t notice to begin with.
And yes, these are the proper pics of the fuzzy horrible phone pics I posted the other day. Taken with my parents’ camera who has some mysterious resolution of 180 dpi and a picture size of some random number well above 3400 px. I don’t even know.
The pattern is (still) Haruni, from Knitpicks. It’s free and I picked it because of the gorgeous edging which just flows like… something flowy. Really lovely. The yarn is theirs too, but I have no idea what because I lost the ball band shortly after I bought it which was just before I left the US, if I remember correctly. So, four years? (Have I been home four years already? Or is it five? I think it’s five in February. Holy crap.)
I used far too small needles, which means it’s not airy enough, which also made it teeny tiny. It’s just over 90 cm wide, which is a lot smaller than most shawls I’ve made, but I ran out of yarn. Really. Should’ve gone up a needle size. There is nothing in this world that can make me rip it out, though!
My absolute favourite part of this shawl is the way the spine stitch turns into a flower. I’m not sure it will be noticeable once I wear it because when I hold it up the tip keeps folding, but here it is! All shiny.
And now on to the cardigan…
My grandmother took these pics. It shows. This first one is cleverly cut to hide the trash bag waiting to be taken outside that ended up in the picture. Don’t trust your grandmothers with your cameras people!
Anyway. The pattern is Twist Cardi, made by my friend Corrina. I did not use the yummy sort of yarn recommended in the pattern, or anything like it. This is a wool/acrylic mix, which may have been an oversight because the puffed sleeves aren’t blocking out and look a bit strange, as you can see. But the pattern is amazingly well written, and I’m happy to say that it fit this well despite my hips being two sizes bigger than my bust. The ribbing/cable in the sides, people. A lifesaver.
Ah yes. This cabling. There’s a tiny bit on the sleeves too! And the buttons? Free, from work. I tried with something more matchy at first, but I hated them and went back to these that I had previously put aside because I don’t much care for yellow. Except in this case it looks lovely, I think.
And a close-up of the cabled button band panel and the lovely, lovely buttons.
It’s a while since I was so very not at all inspired and confident at this point of NaNoWriMo. Nothing is more boring than random talk about random story that nobody has read yet, so I’ll leave it at that. The words are a struggle. More than they’ve been for YEARS. It sucks.
Pretendy work (work placement I’ve learned that the word is in English) is a bit overwhelming to be honest. I love it when I’m there, I love feeling vaguely competent, to do things they are so grateful that I do because they wouldn’t have time for it, to be able to be alone in the shop for half an hour or an hour so the shop owner (there’s two, but the other is always in the sewing studio) has a chance to eat lunch. I love to feel like I’m actually doing something that counts.
Getting to hear “thank God you’re here” multiple times a day really makes for a decent ego boost.
But oh my God I’m tired. There’s 2-3 days between each work day and I spend most of it on the couch. It frustrates me, although I know this stuff has to get to take time. I’m already up to 4 – 4.5 hours rather than the three I started with, but I want MORE. This taste of an actual life in the actual real world just makes me wish I could do more.
But I can’t. Not yet. It’s all right, really, until I compare myself to people my age and all the stuff they can do. Work fulltime. Have a family. Blah blah blah I’m just throwing myself a pity party. Seriously. I need to get cracking on my words for today, so I’ll just tell you that I made these two things, and I love them:
It’s this pattern, by awesomely awesome Corrina of PicnicKnits. You can’t tell because the picture is so crap, but it has puffed sleeves that aren’t quite right. It needs buttons and another blocking.
Luckily I got all these buttons for free at work, so I should be able to find something that fits.
And I made this. The pattern is this one from Knitpicks. Free!
I really need to borrow my parents’ camera and get decent pictures. And possibly hang it in an apple tree to make it look extra awesome.
